Tashlikh Humor

A humorous thought on Tashlikh:
As we cast all our sins into the waters with crumbs of bread - well there must be some evil fish and ducks out there.

For the sin... a listing of crumbs for various sins:

Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. Instead, this coming Rosh Hashanah consider these options:


• For ordinary sins, use White Bread

• For exotic sins, French Bread

• For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel

• For complex sins, Multi-grain

• For twisted sins, Pretzels

• For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes

• For sins of indecision, Waffles

• For sins committed in haste, Matzah

• For sins of chutzpah, Fresh Bread

• For substance abuse, Poppy Seed

• For committing arson, Toast

• For committing auto theft, Caraway

• For being ill tempered, Sourdough

• For silliness, Nut Bread

• For not giving full value, Shortbread

• For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread

• For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread

• For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts

• For being money hungry, Enriched Bread or Raw Dough

• For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls

• For immodest dressing, Tarts

• For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes

• For promiscuity, Hot Buns

• For racism, Crackers

• For sophisticated racism, Ritz Crackers

• For davvening off tune, Flat Bread

• For being holier than thou, Bagels

• For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah

• For indecent photography, Cheese Cake

• For trashing the environment, Dumplings

• For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf

• For sins of pride, Puff Pastry

• For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra

• For wearing tasteless hats, Tam Tams

• For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake

• For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake

• For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread


Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.